Escape Plans

Apr2

When the alarm clock rang at five o’clock in the morning, I lifted my head off the pillow to moan, “No, no, no!” My husband, Arnie, grunted unhappily, but sat up on the side of the bed.

Reaching over Arnie gave me a shake. He growled, “Come on, get up! I’m tired too, but I want to get to Canada before it gets dark tonight.” After having worked so many hours in the last few weeks, we were both tired. All I wanted to do was to start our vacation by sleeping in.

Our drive north began silent and grumpy, but as the sun rose higher into the sky, tiredness left us. Cheered by the anticipation of spending the week fishing together, our happy comradery returned. Passing through International Falls into Fort Frances we stopped to buy bait for the fish we planned to catch.

At a bait shop on our way out of town, Arnie bought four dozen minnows. The shop owner put them, along with a great deal of water in a large, clear plastic bag. This clammy, bag-o-fish ended up riding on my lap so I could keep it safe until we reached our destination.

I’d gone fishing in Canada with Arnie for the last three years. This time we were going to a new location. The cabins we usually rented were always very basic and plain, having no luxury features, so I wasn’t expecting anything different this time. Arnie had made the reservations for this trip without having ever visited the camp or lake. After turning off the main highway onto a side road and driving a long way, I asked, “What’s the name of this resort and the name of the lake?”

Stopping to study a map, Arnie said, “The place is named ‘Moose Track Cottages’ and it’s on Lake Despair.” The name of the lake didn’t sound promising. Seeing the disconcerted expression on my face, my husband quickly added, “The man who owns the place is a bricklayer in Minnesota during the winter and runs this place in the summer.”

We pulled in at Moose Track Cottages at 4 in the afternoon. Terry, the owner was there to greet us. Bright, early June sunshine made the lake shimmer, and a gentle breeze caused the tree leaves above us to rustle soothingly. Pointing to a small building near the shore, Terry said, “That’s the fish cleaning house.” Close to it was a brand-new dock extending out into the lake. It seemed unnaturally long-legged and stood high above the water. Terry explained. This part of Canada has been having a drought, so the lake’s water level is low right now. I hope we get rain soon.”

Leading us to a cabin that had a small deck along one side and a big one on the back, Terry opened the door, and I stepped in. My jaw dropped open. The place looked fantastic! The kitchen had a modern, full-size refrigerator, stove and dishwasher, lots of counters and cabinets. A gas fireplace in the living room was flanked by two sofas and rocking chairs. Through a sliding glass door, I saw a gas grill we could use on the back deck. The cabin had two bedrooms and two bathrooms. I gasped, “I love this place!”

Arnie had our boat in the water by 6 P.M. and was ready to go fishing. I caught the first fish, a small northern we didn’t keep. Arnie pulled in a walleye we kept. I felt relaxed and happy. In the quiet, we heard the water lap against the boat and birds in the trees singing. An eagle screeched in the distance. Looking up at the sky, I commented, “I see mare’s tail clouds overhead, and on the horizon, there are thunderheads. My brother, Billy, would say this means it’s going to rain.”

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Froggies

Mar26

My sister Agnes held up her Corning Ware tea pot and asked, “Would you like a cup of tea?” Suzie, Agnes’ black pug hopped around me on her hind legs, begging for attention. Her funny little face with her pink tongue lolling about, gave her the appearance of a small, friendly clown.

With a smile, I assured my sister, “I never turn down a cup of tea!” Dropping down on a chair at the table, I leaned forward to pet Suzie. After getting a few good pets and a scritch behind her left ear, Suzie trotted over to the kitchen counter and barked.

Placing two cups and spoons on the table, Agnes scolded, “You’ve had enough cheese, Suzie!” To me, she confessed, “That dog is so spoiled. I was snacking on cheese before you came and let her have a little. She knows there’s some on the counter, and she thinks I should give it to her!”

Knowing that I like dark chocolate, Agnes opened a bar for us to enjoy with the black tea. While we visited, a small fruit fly flew into my sister’s face. She sighed, “Fruit flies are so annoying!” I nodded. I had them in my house too, since I love fruit and often have various types on my kitchen counter.

Because it was such a pleasant fall afternoon, before I went home, my sister and I walked around in her yard to look at her flowers. Suzie followed us, snuffling the ground, obviously reading the scent of wildlife who used her territory at night. Agnes said, “I think it will freeze tonight so we better take in plants that are on our back decks.”

During one of my visits to Agnes during December, she swatted at a small flying insect and complained, “My house is too chilly for fruit flies. These must be soil gnats from the potted plants that were out on the deck all summer.”

I questioned, “What’s the difference between fruit flies and soil gnats?” Neither of us knew the answer to my question. All we knew was that they had different appetites and had different habitats. It was time for me to visit Mr. Google again.

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A Grim Future

Mar19

Georgina was waiting at the elevator when Sandy, Mary and I got there. A metallic ‘ding’ announced the arrival of the car. We stepped into the lift, giggling about that day being our first day of work and each showing off the new pink uniforms we were wearing. Mary crossed her fingers and nervously intoned, “Here’s hoping we don’t get fired on our first day!”

In June, right after I graduated from high school, I took a nursing assistant course at a Wausau hospital. The hospital hired me and all the students who successfully finished the classes. For those who needed them, the hospital also provided nearby dormitory rooms for us to rent. Their nursing school had closed a few years earlier so the dorm building was empty.

During the weekend before our first day on duty, we discovered that there was a tunnel corridor between the dorm basement and the hospital basement. Taking this unusual route to arrive at work added heady exhilaration to our already overly stimulated nerves. Sandy said, “I heard there’s a tunnel like this between the hospital and the pediatric ward.”

Having visited the pediatric ward a few days earlier, I commented, “It’s weird that the children’s ward is set apart from the rest of the hospital. I wonder why it’s like that?”

“I know the answer to that!” Georgina excitedly announced. “During the 1950’s that was where this hospital cared for polio patients. Polio was contagious and having those patients separated from other hospital patients prevented it from spreading.”

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She Went

Mar12

The waitress placed a cup of tea on the table in front of me. Vapor from the hot liquid rose and I leaned forward, appreciatively inhaling the comforting scent of black tea. Carefully guiding the cup close to my lips, I realized the tea was as hot as molten lava and set it back down again on the table.

Two young women walked past and sat down in the booth next to mine. Once they were given the Coke they’d ordered, they began to talk about a party one of them had attended. Party girl eagerly confided, “Amy and DJ got into a big public fight at the party. In front of everyone he went, ‘I saw you flirting just now with Matt! Don’t you realize I’m twice the man he is?’  Amy was like, ‘Oh Yeah? You really think you’re something! But I want you to know, you’re no prize.’” Party girl’s friend concluded, “Geez! That sounds like an old married couple fighting!”

The waitress placed the salad I’d ordered on my table and refilled drinks before returning to the kitchen. As I ate, I thought about the conversation I’d overheard and wondered when people had started to use the word ‘went’ instead of the word ‘said’. This has been going on for several years, and it’s easy to fall into. I’ve caught myself using this word myself. Other words people use instead of ‘said’ are ‘goes’, ‘like’ and ‘all’. For example, he ‘goes’, or, he was ‘all’, or, he was ‘like’.          

The English language is rich. There are over three hundred words that can be used instead of ‘said’ such as ‘mused’, ‘questioned’, or ‘demanded’. The words ‘went’, ‘goes’, ‘like’ and ‘all’ will probably eventually be added to that list.

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Oh, look!

Mar5

Using the computer mouse, I clicked on an arrow icon. A new window popped open. I saw the picture of a beautiful, dew-kissed strawberry and heard a woman’s pleasant voice saying, “Oh, look! A strawberry.”

In slide projector style, the picture changed to a slightly shriveled strawberry. The pleasant woman’s voice slurred, “Oh, look! A strawberry!” The next picture was of a strawberry starting to mold. The woman could barely enunciate the familiar words. Finally, there was the picture of a strawberry in the process of becoming a gooey puddle. The woman only made a few feeble sounds. It was as if her tongue had turned into wood.

Frowning, I wondered, “Was this meme showing the effects of a stroke?” Having worked all my working years in a hospital, I would have instantly called for a nurse if I saw this happening to a patient! When I asked my daughter about it, she laughed and assured me the meme was just putting a voice to things deteriorating. In the days that followed, I noticed that similar memes used the same words, but instead of rotting strawberries, they showed progressively uglier dogs or cats.

My skill in navigating modern technology is growing. However, there is so much about online culture that I will never understand. Also dampening my growing pride in my tech skill is the realization that my skill is very elementary: it could be compared to a baby’s first, wobbling steps. Most ten-year-olds today have more tech savvy than I will ever have.

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Getting A Schtee

Feb26

My throat was very sore; so sore that it hurt to swallow my spit. I didn’t even want to think about swallowing the soup Mom had given me to eat. Leading me over to a window where there was better light, she ordered, “Open your mouth. I want to see what your throat looks like.” I whined and cried. “Now stop that,” Mom demanded, “I’m just going to look. My looking won’t make your throat hurt worse.”

Opening my mouth, I allowed Mom to turn my head this way and that, so the light from the window could help her to examine every inch of my throat. Daddy, still sitting at the kitchen table asked, “How does her throat look?”

Mom sat down at the table to tell Daddy, “We need to take Kathy to see Doctor Kroeplin again. I think she has strep throat like last spring. Her throat has white spots, and her tonsils are so swollen they are almost touching each other.” Hearing this, I began to howl and sob. Last year when I was in third grade, Dr. Kroeplin prescribed penicillin pills for me. He said I had to take them because the strep infection in my throat could damage my heart.

I suffered from the family curse: the inability to swallow pills. Even when my throat was normal, I couldn’t get pills past my back molars without gagging. I knew Daddy had the same problem. On the rare occasion that he needed to take a pill, he struggled to swallow it. Mom would scold, “It’s just a little pill. I’ve seen you swallow huge bites of raw potato dumplings with no problem!”

To make things worse, the penicillin pills tasted and smelled worse than anything I’d ever known of. Mom tried to hide them in apple sauce. She bribed me with the rare luxury of a glass of orange juice. We even tried to push them down with homemade bread thickly slathered with creamy peanut butter. Nothing worked.

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The Tapioca Incident

Feb19

Holding her largest mixing bowl, Mom vigorously stirred the batter. As if making cookies wasn’t enough work, she was multitasking by making our evening meal at the same time. Glancing at the stove top, Mom grumbled under her breath, “Tisk, why isn’t that burner heating up?” Impatiently, she put her right hand on the electric coil and instantly pulled back with a yelp. It was hot, just not glowing red.

Jumping up from where I had been sitting at the kitchen table, I questioned, “Mom! How badly did you burn your hand?”

Running cold water over her hand at the sink, my mother ruefully commented, “That was a stupid thing to do.” The imprinted rings of the burner could be seen on her fingers and palm, but other than the skin being tender, the burn was surprisingly superficial. Allowing the cold water to continue running over her hand, Mom instructed, “Put the pot of potatoes on that burner.”

I usually never cooked or baked with Mom while I was growing up. I always had the feeling that she preferred to work alone. She never asked for help, even when she was rushed or trying to get other things done at the same time. For years I sat at the kitchen table watching her work and assumed this would help me know what to do someday when I had to make meals.

I know for certain that I did learn a few things. With Mom’s hand burn incident, I learned two things. One was how to injure yourself without saying a single bad word. The second thing I learned was to never touch the stove top, even if it didn’t look hot.

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Dust Bunnies

Feb12

I glanced around my neat living room wondering where Tammie’s gray kittens were. I hadn’t seen them for hours. Worried, I called for them. Suddenly, one of the kittens popped her head out from under my sofa. Surprised, I questioned, “How are you doing that? The opening under the sofa is smaller than your head!” The kitten wriggled out and then the second kitten peeped out at me and sneezed.

One thing Tammie had missed and desired all through her four years of college and two years of grad school, was a kitty for a pet. Since she lived in dorms all those years, this was never possible. Dorm pet policies generally say something along the lines of, “If you want a pet, it has to be able to live underwater.”

Shortly before Tammie graduated from grad school, a stray cat living in Niki and Mike’s backyard gave birth to a litter of kittens. The surprise delivery took place on their back deck during cold, inclement spring weather. Niki felt compelled to take the mother and babies into her house. Her young children loved the unexpected fuzzy play mates and immediately named them based on food and random names they heard.

Having secured a job and apartment to live in immediately following graduation, Tammie asked her sister if she could adopt two kittens from the rescued litter. Although her children protested, Niki didn’t want to keep all six kittens.

Tammie picked a pale gray tabby named Carla, and an orange tuxedo kitten named Macaroni and Cheese. They were wonderful companions for Tammie for the next 16 years. Carla was the first to pass away. After grieving for several months, Tammie went to a Humane Society Shelter and picked out a two-year-old gray and white cat. This kitty had a white bib, paws, and star on her nose, which made us think of the song, “Lucy with Diamonds in the Sky”. Although she was very friendly with humans, we were told Lucy didn’t like other cats, but to our surprise and delight, she peacefully coexisted with Mac until he died a year later.

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Sky Rooms

Feb5

My sisters wanted to paint stars on their bedroom ceiling around the time I was leaving behind my infancy. Like all babies I had spent my first two or three years floating about in a nebulous world. The events and activities of my siblings were indistinct and vague to my perception because little of it had to do with my three most basic needs: nourishment, dry diapers and cuddles. Slowly, I began to understand words, and I began to sort out the tangle of my two arms and two legs, making independent locomotion possible. At that point, I became “the shadow”, following the siblings I could keep up to, while firing endless questions at their backsides.

Agnes and Rosie insisted they had to paint the bedroom they shared a rich navy blue. Mom said, “That color is too dark. A home decorator in one of my women’s magazines recommended that bedrooms on the northside of a house, like yours, should be painted bright colors.” The two girls insisted that they needed the room to be the color of a night sky because they were going to stencil silver stars all over the ceiling.

I was told years later that the girls worked day after day for weeks that summer on their bedroom décor. Arranging the various sized stars so they were evenly spaced was time consuming work. Reaching high overhead to neatly paint the stars using a small detail brush was neck-breaking. They also wanted coordinating room accessories such as a wastepaper basket. To supply this, they found a square five-gallon fuel can, had the top cut off, cleaned it, painted it navy, and stenciled silver stars on it as well.

Despite having two windows, the bedroom was dark like a cave after both the ceiling and walls were painted the rich, dark blue. The advice found in Mom’s woman’s magazine had been correct. A bedroom on the north side of the house needs lighter paint. The ceiling stayed as it was, but my sisters soon repainted the walls a bluish white.

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My Daily Bread

Jan29

If I was a cartoon character, the artist drawing me would have pictured my hair standing on end and droplets of perspiration flying around my head as I gasped, “But what will there be left for me to eat, if I give up everything made with wheat, sugar, corn and soybeans?!”

The slim, very pretty nutrition specialist sternly stated in a voice edged in ice, “Kathy, you will have plenty of other things to eat! If you don’t want to try this plan to make your arthritis less bothersome, you can just forget about it and not bother coming back to me for dietary advice.”

Blushing, I mumbled, “I’ll give it a try.” Feeling like I had been sentenced to a prison where food was severely restricted, I went home wondering how long I’d have to give up all the things I liked to eat. As time passed, I slowly came to realize that certain foods would always be verboten.

The most common form of arthritis is osteoarthritis, and it can be debilitating. A Mayo Clinic rheumatologist says that what you eat may help reduce some of the inflammation associated with this joint-destroying illness. There are dozens of websites that list the best and the worst foods for people suffering from osteoarthritis.

I had a hard time at first, giving up certain foods. I felt deprived, dissatisfied, and often meditated on whether I ate to live, or lived to eat. Eventually I reconciled myself to my restrictions, because after all, my restrictions didn’t forbid me to eat, they just directed me to eat different things.

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