Fifty Years Too Soon

May25

I took my old recipe box out of the cupboard and began rifling through the cards. My daughter Tammie said, “Mom, what are you looking for?”

Without looking up, I answered, “There’s an old recipe for spiced carrots in here. It would go well with our meal tonight if I could just find it.”

“Oh!” My daughter exclaimed excitedly, “I was in Pinterest the other night and I saw a fantastic carrot recipe.” Whipping out her smart phone, she asked, “How about I pull that recipe up for you?”

Surprised, I looked up at her to ask, “What in the world is Pinterest?”

Tammie explained, “It’s a website on the Internet. It’s like a bulletin board where you can pin pictures and information about crafts, cooking, sewing or anything else of interest. I like visiting this site to find ideas for crafts. The ideas I like or try, I pin on my personal Pinterest board. Other people on the Internet can see what I have on my board. If they like the type of things I post, they can ‘follow’ me by copying ideas from me.” Continue reading →

Olive Belly

May18

My family’s black and white tuxedo cat plopped down in the center of the kitchen floor. He sprawled out to his full, magnificent length, strategically between the stove, refrigerator and sink. In a hurry to cook supper and serve it to my hungry children and husband, I looked down at him and questioned, “Flicker…really? Why did you choose this place to stretch out? You know I’m going to accidentally step on you one of these days or else trip and fall over you!”

The beautiful black and white cat looked up at me with love in his large expressive golden eyes, slowly blinking in his adoration. Benevolent love radiated out from the tip of each well defined white whisker on his black muzzle. He rolled over a little more to expose his belly. Unable to resist, I leaned down and pet the soft expanse of his white underside. He purred loudly. My daughter Tammie said, “Cats show their bellies to people they love and trust.” Continue reading →

Stuff

May11

I pulled the hoop building door open and peeked into my garden. With pleasure I admired a row of blooming yellow and purple violas.  My chrysanthemums had survived the winter; all six plants were bravely pushing up mounds of fresh green shoots. Even the yellow tea rose bush was fully covered with new leaves. Wishing I could till the garden and get it ready for planting, I backed away and shut the door.

I thought, “Before I can take care of the garden, I need to clean out my childhood home.” I had just moved my two elderly bachelor brothers into an assisted living home. The farmhouse was sold and my brothers were depending on me to sort though and manage their belongings. Continue reading →

Home Sweet Home

May4

The phone rang at 7 a.m. Its jangling didn’t wake me despite the early hour, but I was still in bed. Reaching across my husband, I pulled the receiver off the cradle and answered. On the other end of the line my mother, with a catch in her voice blurted, “I waited until I thought you’d be up. I have a horrible pain in my back and I don’t know what to do.”

Arnie tickled me and I frowned at him and shook my head. I said, “I’ll be right over to take you to the clinic, Mom.”

My mother was approaching her 99th birthday and had never before called to complain of pain. I rolled out of bed and quickly dressed. It was Valentine’s Day 2005, less than one month before Mom would pass away.

For her first 28 years of life my Mom lived half a mile down the road from the farm where I grew up. When she married Daddy, she made her one and only lifetime move. After Daddy died, the many years took their toll, but my siblings and I were able to provide the care she needed. My two bachelor brothers lived with her and helped by making meals and keeping her company. I took care of her healthcare, shopping and personal needs. Together, we were able to keep her living at home until that last hospitalization. Continue reading →

New House Old

Apr27

A ray of morning sunshine slanted down from the window on the stairway landing. Without thinking, I stepped into the beam, like a super star steps into a spotlight on stage. Closing my eyes, I smiled. It felt right and good to be there.

I may have stood in this exact spot on an April morning sixty years ago, when I was five. Back then I would have been listening to Mom talking to Daddy in the kitchen and enjoying the smell of fresh bread baking. I would have listened to my sister practicing her clarinet in her room, knowing that my brother was down the hall tinkering with a mechanical gadget in his room.

Today’s new, yet familiar, sunlight opened a floodgate of memories. Memories made more poignant by the job that lay before me, clearing out my childhood home to prepare for a new family to move in. Continue reading →

THEM versus US

Apr20

When the recess bell rang on the first day of school, not one of the fifty children in my first grade classroom moved. We didn’t know what to do. Sister Donna said, “That bell is telling us that it is time for you to go outside to run and play in the fresh air. In the closet by the door, I have jump ropes and balls. When the bell rings again, you have to come back to the classroom and put the balls and jump ropes away.”

Some of my classmates knew each other, so they went out to the playground holding hands. On the playground I watched the other little girls jumping rope and talking. There was something different about some of them. I didn’t really understand what it was, though. Continue reading →

Catch a Falling Star

Apr13

I stopped halfway to my neighborhood cousin’s farm and looked around with pleasure. Overhead, the clouds were light colored, but on the horizon they remained a brilliant, stormy blue, reminding me of a face still wet after crying. Only an hour before, it had been raining. New grass and small leaves on the trees were bright green. The plowed soil along the road held rows of perky green sprouts against the dark brown dirt. Crystalline droplets of water sparkled on every sprig. The colors were strong, clear and beautiful. Even the damp gravel under foot was an amazing salmon-pink.

As I paused in the soft, velvety, afternoon spring air, I thought about how I seldom left the house for anything other than to go to church until I was four years old. I was the youngest child of a large, farm family. When it was warm I spent time out on the lawn with the big kids, but when it was cold I had to bundle up until I was hardly able to move. Continue reading →

Blessed

Apr6

Damp, gray tree trunks stood out in stark contrast to the brown, winter-dead lawn. The bleakness of the cloudless spring day made me sigh wearily. Rolling to a stop at the end of the driveway, I looked both ways to check for cars before pulling out onto the road, thinking, “Early spring is depressing. Everything bad that has ever happened to me…has happened at this time of the year!”

Recurrent clinical depression had plagued my early years. Flare-ups happened more often in the spring. Doing a mental check-up, I questioned, “Is this just a down day, or the start of my going off track?” Shaking my head, I thought about Christy, my first baby who was born in early February and died two months later. My Mom and Dad both died in the springtime. Then nine years ago my husband Arnie died unexpectedly on the anniversary of Christy’s death. He was only 56 years old.

Last April my 42 year-old son-in-law died when a deer crashed through the windshield of his van as he was driving my daughter to the hospital to have their eighth child. Never expecting to share widowhood experiences with my daughter so early in her life, I’m still reeling from the randomness of this horrible loss. Niki and Mike’s children are all two years apart, newborn to age fifteen. At least when Arnie died, our children were grown and on their own.     Continue reading →

Feral Heaven

Mar30

When I spotted her car pulling into the driveway, I ran out onto the deck. The minute my daughter got out of the car, I gave her a big hug. She said, “Mama, it’s good to be home.”

A warm spring breeze softly swirled around us like a caress. Giving her another squeeze, I said, “Tammie, it’s good to have you home. Isn’t this a beautiful day? How would you like to go for a walk around the yard? The flowerbeds are waking up. I have daffodils that are about to bloom.”

Golden afternoon sunshine smiled down on us as we walked around arm-in-arm, inspecting bulbs and bushes. The lilac flowers were still in bud stage, right on the brink of bursting forth into a fragrant lavender flood. Glancing at the old red barn next to the lilac bushes, Tami said, “I love the barn, but it’s getting really shabby.” Continue reading →

The check is in the Mail

Mar23

Putting down a steaming bowl of hamburgers swimming in a pool of brown mushroom gravy, I glanced up at the clock on the dining room wall. As I turned to get the boiled potatoes, I questioned in surprise, “Seven o’clock already? It’s still so light out!”

After dumping half the potatoes onto his plate a few moments later, my husband ladled meat and gravy over them answering me, “Daylight savings begins next week.”

“You’re so busy this time of the year,” I commented, thinking about how many long hours he was away from home to deliver his customers’ organic seeds and fertilizers.

Arnie forked food into his mouth and nodded. After swallowing he said, “It’s a good business, but right now, all the farmers have on their minds is getting into their fields the minute the soil is warm and dry enough. They want the product they’ve ordered to be there when they need it.”

I took the last of the cooked carrots from the serving bowl and savored their sweetness in silence. A cool breeze from the open kitchen window made me shiver. The sweet carol of a robin came in along with the breeze and filled me with pleasure. I said, “It was so warm this afternoon, I opened a few windows. Now that it’s getting chilly again, I’d better shut them.”

The phone rang while I was away from the table. I groaned because I hate to have meal-time interrupted by telemarketers. When I sat back down I could tell Arnie was talking to a customer. He said, “I want you to have a check ready for me when I deliver the product tomorrow.” After listening to the person on the other end of the line for a few minutes, he said, “Look, I’m not your banker. You’re not taking out a loan. I need to be paid.” Continue reading →