Archives

Left in the Dark

Nov8

I turned out the bedside light and lay in the dark listening to the murmur of customers talking, and the clink of silverware against china as they dined at La Soffitta Renovatio, the restaurant located directly located below our Airbnb bedroom windows in Rome. My daughter Tammie and I had just returned from having a meal there. We shared a stuffed and fried zucchini blossom appetizer. Then I ordered a risotto with baby squid, which I loved. Tammie enjoyed a dish made with long bucatini noodles in a red sauce with pepper flakes and guanciale.

It felt so good to stretch out to rest on the queen-sized memory foam mattress. Traveling from Minnesota to Italy had been exhausting. The sound of sirens from ambulances and police cars regularly punctuated the quiet sounds of the sidewalk diners as I drifted off to sleep.

            The sun was shining when I woke. Instead of staying in bed, I jumped up to take a closer look at the apartment. Flat screened televisions hung on the bedroom and living room walls, but all the stations were Italian. In the kitchen, I found a small refrigerator, dishwasher, microwave, and a two-burner induction stove. Above the sink, I found plates, bowls, and silverware in a drawer. The expresso maker I didn’t care about, but wished I had a tea bag when I saw the electric kettle.

            My daughter suggested, “Why don’t we walk to the open-air market that’s nearby and get a few groceries so we can make breakfast and maybe a meal or two?”

            Sticking to the shady side of the streets as much as we could, we enjoyed window shopping, people watching and admiring blossoms on trees and shrubs along the way. As we walked, leg muscles that I hadn’t used much since I retired began to object. At the market, we bought eggs, salami, grapes, and a small bottle of wine. The hot Italian sun burned our skin as we walked back to the apartment.

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Stepping into the Sunlight

Nov1

With a jaw tightly clenched, I determinedly maneuvered my wheeled luggage away from the subway car where moments before, a pickpocket had tried to help themselves to the contents of my purse. I was tired and my feet hurt so badly, all I wanted to do was sit down. The journey my daughter Tammie and I embarked on yesterday afternoon seemed to have no end.

I left the subway behind with relief and struggled up the stairway with my luggage to the city sidewalk. I had no idea what time of day it was. In Wisconsin it would be early Sunday morning. Here, in Rome, it was late Sunday afternoon. I spent two days enclosed in metal airplanes, train compartments, and crowded terminals. The minute I stepped out into the sunlight, I took a deep breath of fresh air and smiled.

Tammie found a bench and sat down, saying, “Let’s sit and rest for a while.” All too soon, my daughter stood up and ordered, “Follow me.”

Doing my best to guide my wheeled luggage over bumps, ridges on the sidewalks and the cobble stone street corners, I questioned, “How do you know where to go? You’ve never been here before.”

Wheeling her luggage along with little difficulty, Tammie confessed, “I’ve virtually walked the streets of this neighborhood several times recently, using Google Satellite to become familiar with it.”

Ridges on the sidewalk made my wheeled luggage almost tip. I complained, “The wheels on my suitcase are acting like the balky wheels on a shopping cart. Why do all the street corner sidewalks have these ridges?”

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Leaving on a Jet Plane

Oct25

Tammie took this picture when we were on the train to Rome. I was tired, but she said I looked “Perky”.

Our plane wasn’t scheduled to take off until later in the afternoon. My daughter Tammie justified the wait by explaining, “If there’s a delay in getting checked in, we’ll still be able to board the airplane on time.” I nodded my understanding.

The building we’d just stepped into was huge and there were hundreds of people moving around, checking in, and dropping off luggage. Tammie pulled out her passport and placed it face down on the screen of a check-in kiosk. It recognized her, and immediately spit out a luggage label and her boarding pass. She instructed, “Now give me your passport.”

I’ve taken three pilgrimages to Europe since 2013. But on those trips, there had always been a tour coordinator who set the schedule and made the necessary arrangements for accommodations and activities. This was my first non-pilgrimage international trip. My daughter Tammie was the coordinator this time. She had bought our airline tickets, rented an Airbnb apartment, and scheduled tours.

Leaving on a jet plane isn’t something I look forward to doing because I’m not a good traveler. I get motion sick easily, my ears ache from changing air pressure, and I dislike being seat-belted in a crowded vehicle for hours on end.

Before boarding a plane, each passenger must go through security where all bags, purses, shoes, and electronics are X-rayed. Then the traveler stands in a scanner. When it was my turn, the alarm went off. Pulled over to one side, a TSA agent gave me a very through pat-down. After walking away, I whispered to Tammie, “Expect this to happen every time I’m scanned. I think my knee replacement sets the machine off.”

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A Career Change

Oct18

I looked forward to attending the Rochester Silo convention because for me it was a vacation from my job as a nursing assistant. My husband Arnie and I would stay at a hotel and attend catered events. A few months earlier, Arnie had decided to go into business with a man from Indiana. They named their joint operation, ‘R&R Sales and Services.’ This career change came as a surprise to me. Up until then, my husband had been a welder and had never expressed an interest in becoming a salesman. The new business sold farm equipment and Rochester Siloes. So far, Arnie hadn’t sold a single silo.

All the activities at the convention appeared to be geared toward pumping the salesmen up to a fever-pitch of excitement. The company claimed Rochester Silos were the best silos in the Midwest. They pointed out with pride how their logo could be seen on top of new silos all throughout the countryside. Everyone attending the silo convention was lavished generously with fine foods and drinks.           

To encourage stronger sales, the Rochester company handed out rewards to their most productive salesmen. The pinnacle of the evening was when the top salesman was presented with a briefcase stuffed with cash.

On our long drive home, Arnie uncharacteristically began talking about what he needed to do to become a good salesman. I suspected he was worried about being a good provider for me and the baby we had on the way. At one point he glanced over at me and admitted, “I need to be able to talk to people as easily as you do.” After a slight pause he added, “I want to be able to start conversations with people in elevators like you do.”

I was surprised.. Did he really admire my crazy ability to talk to anyone who would listen?

In the months that followed, Arnie and I were very busy. He worked on making sales and I was entirely wrapped up in all things that had to do with our newly arrived baby daughter. His business papers piled up on the dining room table because we didn’t have a desk. I wanted the use of the table back, so I made two shelves, one on top of the other along a wall next to the table using four boxes and two planks.

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Cup of Comfort

Oct11

On the other end of the phone, a man identified himself as a Hospital Emergency Room doctor. He said, “I’m sorry, but I must inform you that your husband, Arnie Richardson was brought to the hospital in an ambulance an hour ago, but we were unable to save him. He passed away shortly after arriving here.”  My body felt limp and bloodless as I processed the sudden shock at what the doctor told me.

The minute I put down the phone, doubt flooded into my mind. I told myself that the doctor must have accidentally called the wrong wife. The man who was dead was someone else, not my husband. Once I was ushered into an Emergency Room to identify my husband’s body, my initial shock turned into long term shock. Now, I knew with certainty that the unthinkable was true.

I had a job to do; letting family members know what had happened, plan a funeral, and somehow manage to emotionally live through this unwelcome reality. It was as if I was operating on remote control. During that first week after Arnie died, if someone would have asked me to climb Mount Everest, swim the English Channel or fight off a den of hungry lions, I would have mindlessly, mechanically began climbing, swimming, or fighting.

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“The Look”

Oct4

I kneeled when everyone else did, but unlike the adults, most of my body was below the pew. Uncomfortable and bored, I hooked my arm pits over the wooden backrest in front of me and stretched out my arms to flop them about this way and that. Hearing the thumping sounds that I was making, one of the children in the pew ahead of ours turned around to stare at me.

Mom cleared her throat. It wasn’t a normal throat-clearing sound. It was a signal, and I knew I was in trouble. To meet Mom’s gaze, we both had to lean back a little to see around Daddy and one of my sisters who were kneeling between us. Mom didn’t frown. She just looked at me, but her gray eyes somehow managed to flip switches in my conscience. Her look made me feel ashamed of how I was behaving. Knowing I’d caused her to feel disappointed in me was like a heavy weight on my spirit.

Being a sensitive kid, Mom didn’t need to discipline me with spankings, angry scolding’s, time-outs, or suspended privileges. All it took to hurt my feelings and make me want to obey, was her giving me, “The Look”.

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As Fine as Frog Fur

Sep27

I still get perms and I’m lucky enough to have a hairdresser who is happy to do them for me!

Gazing at the salon mirror in front of me, I watched the hairdresser part my hair into sections to wrap around perm curlers. Without my glasses, I couldn’t see fine details, but that didn’t bother me. I knew I was in good hands because my hairdresser once told me she enjoyed giving perms. Not everyone who works in a beauty salon does.

My out-of-focus vision made me feel sleepy. Listening to the low murmur of conversations between other hairdressers and clients was soothing. Watching Lisa my hairdresser, wet a stubborn wisp of hair, I commented, “My hair resists curling.”

 Lisa answered noncommittally, “Your hair is very fine.”

“It’s like baby hair.” I admitted.

Grinning, Lisa confessed, “At the shop here, we call hair that’s very fine, ‘frog fur’.” After snapping the last perm rod shut, she applied perm solution to my hair. Then, covering the curlers with plastic, Lisa stated, “Now we wait for the solution to do its job.”

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When in Rome

Sep20

When I was a child, I loved listening to the radio when Dean Martin sang, “That’s Amore”.

The sun wanted to burn me to a crisp. Quickly gathering as many ground cherries as I could, I hurried into the shady, coolness of the farmhouse. In the kitchen, I dumped my golden treasure onto the table and sat down to take their husks off.

As usual, Mom’s ever-playing radio on the counter was tuned to WDLB, our local station. The DJ announced, “And for all you tender-hearted lovers, here’s ‘Sukiyaki’.” I loved this Japanese song despite not understanding a single word. The tenderness of how it sounded touched my fourteen-year-old heart. At one point the singer whistles the song’s tune. It sounded so beautiful. I wished I knew how to whistle.

From upstairs, Mom’s voice floated down to me, “Kathy, come up here and try on the dress I’m sewing for you.”

When I got upstairs, Mom was still guiding material under the rapidly moving sewing machine needle. I asked, “Mom, can you teach me how to whistle?”

Pulling the material out from under the needle and cutting the thread, Mom turned to me and commented dourly, “Crowing hens and whistling women always come to a bad end.”

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Tweeting Photos

Sep13

I entered the farmhouse and sprinted up the three entryway steps, calling out, “Hello…It’s me, Kathy!”

Mom answered, “I’m in the living room.”

My daughters, Niki and Tammie followed me as I crossed the hall and entered the living room. The young girls happily greeted their “Grammie” and settled down on the floor beside her rocking chair. Dropping down onto the sofa across from where Mom sat in her rocking chair, I inquired, “How are you doing today?”

Adjusting her lap Afghan, Mom admitted, “I’m okay, just saying prayers and listening to the birds.”

Macular degeneration had robbed my mother of her eyesight a few years earlier, so she was no longer able to crochet or read magazines. Cooking meals for herself and my two bachelor brothers who lived with her, was also a thing of the past. Mom would listen to birds feeding at the birdfeeders alongside the house as a happy pastime during the day when “her boys” were out of the house.

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Night Skies

Sep6

Something woke me up from a deep sleep. I tensed up, remembering that I had a four-day-old baby in the next bedroom. Alongside me, my husband slept soundly. He appeared to have no worries about being a new parent. Looking around the dark bedroom, my eyes turned to the windows. The darkness of the yard outside our mobile home appeared less dark than the darkness of the room.

Despite knowing for months that I had a baby on the way, the birth of Niki made me feel surprised and scared! The responsibility of motherhood intimidated me. I wasn’t wise and all-knowing as a mother should be. The bottom line was that I felt like I still needed MY mother!

From the next room, I heard the soft movements of my baby squirming in her crib. Was it that tiny little sound which had awakened me? I held my breath. A moment later, Niki cried. The sound made me leap out of bed like there were springs under me. In a panic, I knew that although it was the middle of the night, I had to feed her and change her diaper. I was responsible for not only her comfort, but her well-being.

The minute I lifted Niki out of her crib, a calm came over me. The smell of her skin, the warmth of her body against mine felt so right. After feeding her, I placed my baby over my shoulder and patted her back. Standing at one of the windows waiting for Niki to burp, I marveled at the beauty of the night sky. Stars sparkled across the great expanse overhead. To the north I saw a tongue of green light licking the sky. I gasped. Northern lights! At first the moving wave looked green, then blue and later I saw a tinge of pink.

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